Today I Died

2009-03-20T11:59:00.001-07:00

So today, I begin - or should I say that today - I - ends. Peter was questioned by the Lord, "Lovest thou me, more than these?" . He was interrogated by Christ as to the depth of his commitment to the cause. For, not once but thrice the question was asked. Three times it was answered; but each question and alas, each answered brought Peter to a deeper realization of the true commitment of his heart.

As Peter was called; I too have heard the voice of Christ calling. He has asked me questions - more than once. I have answered more than once; but like Peter, have found the condition of my heart to be lacking in my sincerity for Christ. As He has questioned me, through His word, I have been brought face to face with the areas of my life that are lacking. He has brought me to a place where I had to be totally honest - not only with Him - for He knows the truth - but more with myself.

I have seen myself differently in the last 3 days. I think I have seen myself the way He sees me. The bandages removed and the extent of the wounds laying before me. He has uncovered me to myself. I am lacking, I am sickly, and I am in need of help.

Yet, to my shame, I have found myself wondering if I really desire help. I have heard Him ask me to follow Him. In my flesh, I have hesitated. In my flesh, I have weighed the cost. In my flesh, I have reconsidered. Yet, in my spirit, I have said as Peter, 'To whom would we go?" and 'surely, thou are the Christ the Son of the Living God!"

Confrontation of self - true and honest - brings us to the end of ourselves. ''I know in me, that is in my flesh, dweleth no good thing..."

So this morning I answered the call. It was not a call of salvation for my soul, for that has happened and gloriously, I have never been the same. No, this was the call of full surrender. This was the call of total abandonment of self. This was the call to give God everything. My thoughts, my time, my habits, my desires, my ambitions, my treasures - it now belongs to Him.

Perhaps I can best sum it up with a few paragraphs that I read from the book Holiness by Ryle:

You live in days when a lingering, Lot-like religion abounds. A certain kind of Christianity is almost fashionable now. They no longer make a person singular. They require little or no sacrifice. They entail no cross.

But to walk closely with God - to be really spiritually minded - to behave like strangers and pilgrims - to be distinct from the world in employment of time, in conversation, in amusements, in dress - to bare a faithful witness for Christ in all places - to leave a savour of our Master in every society - to be prayerful, humble, unselfish, good - tempered, quiet, easily pleased, charitable, patient, meek - to be jealously afraid of all manner of sin... these, these are still rare things! They are not common among those who are called true Christians, and worst of all, the absence of them is not felt and bewailed as it should be.

I charge you, and exhort you - by all your hopes of heaven, and desires of glory, if you would be happy, if you would be useful - do not be a lingering soul.

I will linger no more. It is all His. He calls the shots. My life - my everything is His.

Running to Obtain

Today I Died